Blogging in the Bog

Yeah... I'm still alive

2009-05-09T19:18:00.000-07:00

I haven't done much emailing, blogging, flickring, or talking to anyone at all lately. Contrary to the evidence, I'm still alive. Outside of school and work- I have no life. I haven't even seen my friends at school lately. Kinda becoming the phantom again. Pale, dark circles around eyes, ghosting about in dark corners. But I'm not as bad as I used to be. Not doing anything self destructive... much.
I miss my friends. Life has been kind of dry as of late. School, work, homework, sleep. Nothing really worth getting excited about. If I had anything to say, I'd blog about it, but because I currently have no purpose, there's nothing to talk about.
Adios

Insomnia...

2009-02-19T03:18:00.000-08:00

Oh cool... Rhianna has a song called "Disturbia", but you could totally replace it with the word "Insomnia". I usually sleep really well, but I'm really sick so I'm out of whack.
I have a paper due today and a presentation due. Thank goodness I got all my homework done yesterday. My presentations gonna be great. I'll be up in front of everybody with a red, sniffly nose going, "angd ober heya, we have da fabshiown ub da ninetween thoudays". It's gonna suck. At least have the class is sick anyway so, who give a darn. (my minnesotan showing through.)
I guess I should return the Tshirt I borrowed from somebody today... dang, I like this shirt...
My lungs hurt, my body hurts, I'm cold and I just feel bad. I really hope I perk up. I'm debating if I should (A) make coffee and attempt to function, or (B) try to go back to sleep.
I think I'll go with (A) because I really dread trying to sleep when I'm sick. It never works out very well. At least I wont be rushed to get out the door this morning- I have two and a half hours to get all my stuff done before I have to leave.
Breakfast might be a good idea...

Lah, de dah!

2009-02-12T16:51:00.000-08:00

Yes... I will type randomness... and you're gonna like it! It's one of those "one word" things.
where is your cell phone? book bag
your hair? - ponytail
your father? - working
your mother? studying
your favorite thing? - um....
your dream last night? -strange
your favorite drink? -coffee
your dream/goal? - happiness
the room you are in? living room
your fear? - nightmares
where do you want to be in 6 years? - happy
muffins? - blueberry
one of your wish list items? - motorcycle
where you grew up? - arctic
the last thing you did? - stuff
what are you wearing? - clothes
your tv? - shiny
your pets? - numerous
your computer? - sucks
your life? - roller coaster
your mood? - buzzed
missing someone? - yeah
your car? - blue
favorite store? - Hot Topic
your summer? - warm
your favorite color? - green
when is the last time you laughed? - today
last time you cried? - can't
three people who email me? - Sarah, Fran, Alexis
three of my favorite foods? - Pizza, chocolate, stuffing
three places I would rather be right now? With my favorite person, Bahamas, Italy

Canning Jars and Mice

2009-02-07T19:41:00.000-08:00

So, canning jars. The ones we use to can stuff are the Kerr brand mason jars. I was listening to Sara Bareillis' song "Bottle it Up" and there's a line that goes, "Babe, I know that it's your soul but could you bottle it up?". It made me think... If a soul was something that could be caught, they'd probably be kept in glass mason jars. Think fireflies- a soul would be like a bright, luminescent something that could be put in those pretty, blue tinged mason jars with a piece of cheesecloth over the top, held down with a blue rubber band that came off a bunch of asparagus. I'm thinking about this way too much.
The other thing I was thinking about was, what do mice think? The furry little critters scamper about, indoors and out, just spying on humans. They'll go play outside and eat grain then come inside and munch on people food. Do you really think the whole time, they're just minding their own business, not paying any attention to what people do?!? No,no,no... I'm sure they're quite entertained by the human's odd antics. They probably sit in the dark corners, munching on sunflower seeds and watching people to pass the time. So next time you see a mouse- just think about it.

coffeecoffeecoffeecoffee

2009-02-02T09:31:00.000-08:00

Yes, I drank 6 cups of coffee this morning. But really, drinking that much coffee and listening to dance music makes me do better at homework. It keeps me awake anyway. I'm going to put up a link of my flickr on here, so I can find it when I'm not on my computer. For some reason, I can never find my page unless I'm logged on. Hum... http://www.flickr.com/photos/27205812@N07/
there we go

Anyway, I trying to keep my head in one piece today.I feel uber stressed. I have assignments I need to get done and I feel so blah. I've been kind of weird sick. I'm always tired and have really bad headaches. Hooray for Ibuprofen. Hope I feel fine tomorrow. I don't want to be in class and fall asleep while my teacher is giving a lecture about the ethics of lemurs. (Do lemurs have ethics?)
Other than being under the influence of too much coffee and freaking out about my homework, life is okay. No tragedies (but no triumphs either) and nothing really horrible has happened. Maybe once I get everything I need to get done today, I'll listen to some Jack Johnson and read Crime and Punishment. I WILL fall asleep.

I'm in a good mood, so sue me

2009-01-26T09:42:00.001-08:00

A blog post where I won't complain about how much life sucks! (shocking!)
Well, even I'm happy sometimes. :) So anyway, I'm listening to apocalyptica right now. There is nothing more awesome than a metal band that uses cellos. It's all pretty good, but their song "I don't care" is positively amazing. I could listen to it all day. It's hard to type and bang my head at the same time. Plus my hair is getting in my eyes. Typing....blindly...!
Frick, now I'm listening to Taylor Swift. I don't think anybody hates her. There are people who not like her, but I don't think anyone has a deep rooted hate for her. Just my opinion.
Hey, it's not even noon and I have finished most of my homework. Yay!
I need to remove my nail polish- it's really chipped off. So it looks pretty bad. I need to let my nails have a rest from polish anyway. I use it so my, that my nails start getting dry and sad after a while. Oh, something cool: I was messing with the camera we've had for the past two or so years. I was looking at the settings for my digital photography class and I discovered that the camera has a black and white and sepia settings! That is so awesome! So, more interesting pictures will eventually find their way onto my flickr page.
Well, I should go finish the aforementioned homework....

So, if you listen to music too loudly, will your brain explode?

2009-01-17T11:17:00.000-08:00

One of life's biggest mysteries. It would be a great way to die anyway. :)
I've got some homework I still have to do for the week, but I should have it done in good time- want to have everything done by Monday, so I can go have fun without thinking about work I haven't done. If I don't get stuff like homework done as soon as possible, I spend every waking moment stressing about it. A good way to unstress is to knit while listening to music. I can't knit in around people anymore though... makes me self conscious. I guess my knitting method is simply fascinating. I'm such an odd little critter, I should just be sent to some laboratory so "they" can do testing on me. I'd benefit the greater good wouldn't I? Anyway, back to knitting. I love to knit uber easy scarves... it's just happily mind numbing. I'll be sad when the scarf I'm working on is done. I think I'm going to ask people what color scarf they want and just be the crazy scarf knitter. My scarves get super long. Think in the range of 8 to 12 feet. Depending on how much they stretch out.
So, Thursday I had a self defense class. I went psycho beating the stuffing out of a punching pad thing. Forgot that 3 years ago I slipped on some ice and jammed my right shoulder. It doesn't bother me except very occasionally in cold weather it will ache. Well, I was punching things way too hard the other day; my shoulder is killing me right now. Feels like someone took the spiky end of a meat tenderizer and beat my shoulder with it. I hope it feels better by Tuesday so it functions properly for my next self defense class.
Hmm... I have a lot of reading to do. Some American lit assignments, a chapter in ethics, a chapter in mythology.... and eventually I want to finish Crime and Punishment. I'm about two thirds of the way through it right now. Oh, Raskolnykov, what is to become of you?
Want to get a painting of mine framed. I do have to touch it up a little bit more though. It's the only painting I've ever done that I like. Even my family thinks it's good and frame worthy. Shocking. So, maybe I'll bring it with me on Tuesday, and I'll get it framed at the local craft store. Then I can take down that hideous drawing of mine that I did 5 years ago that got grand champion at the local fair and replace it with my painting. It's like a form of self torture to look at that thing every day. I hate, hate my "art". But... I think thats a good thing. You have to have at least a little self hate to be a real artist. Really, art is a part of somebody, and if you don't hate that part of you, you won't strive to improve yourself and your art. My screwball philosophy.
Jeeze, this post is awfully long. I guess I can just write about my insignificant nothings all day. Anyhoo... if anyone who reads this doesn't live in the frozen hell called "Minnesota" let me enlighten you on how our climate has been the past few days. 40 below zero with a wind chill. I kid you not. Only Scandinavians would be stupid enough to volunteer to live around here. Generations of people who have gone through life with their brains frozen. So yes, I'm going to live somewhere where I can plant tomatoes in January. The only things I can grow are cacti, tomatoes and marigolds. It's a good thing I like tomatoes.

What a match- I'm half doomed and You're semi sweet

2009-01-12T10:16:00.000-08:00

I think at least half of all my blog post titles are song titles or lines from songs. I listen to too much Fall Out Boy. :D

So, My bff sent me an email with this little thingummy attached and I filled it out. Sort of amusing eh?

1.Put your iPod (or music player) on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3.

YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?

Miracle by Paramore

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?

Polkarama by Weird Al Yankovic

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

Fall Together by Weezer

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

Mephistopleles' Return by the Trans Siberian Orchestra

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

Little Wing by Jimi Hendrix

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

Dumb by Nirvana (ooohhh noo!!! lol)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

The Ol' Beggars Bush by Flogging Molly

WHAT IS 2+2?

Perfect Situation by Weezer

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

The Joke by Lifehouse

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Cemeteries of London by Coldplay

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

Hang 'em High by My Chemical Romance

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

Silver by Nirvana

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Action by Blink 182

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

Mama by My Chemical Romance

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

I'm So Sick by Flyleaf

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

Lovers in Japan/Reign of Love by Coldplay

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

Dandelion by Audioslave

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

Pas de Cheval by Panic at the Disco

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

Where Do I Hide by Nickleback

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?

The Fantasy by 30 Seconds to Mars

HOW WILL YOU DIE?

"Tell that Mick That He Just Made My List of Things to do Today" by Fall Out Boy

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?

You Know You're Right by Nirvana

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?

Original Fire by Audioslave

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?

The Lady of Shalott by Loreena McKennitt

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?

Build God, Then We'll Talk by Panic at the Disco (hmmm....)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?

Life in Tenement Square by Flogging Molly

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?

There's a Reason Theses Tables are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Figured it Out Yet by Panic at the Disco

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?

Fully Alive by Flyleaf

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?

Shiver by Maroon 5

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?

Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner by Fall Out Boy

We can all just start singing "Polkarama" now. he he he he he...

Well, I hope you, my public, my three readers, will find this entertaining. :)

I need a calendar

2009-01-11T16:47:00.000-08:00

Really I can't keep track of what day of the week it is or what the date is. I was SURE it was Saturday but noooo it's Sunday. I think the reason why I'm so confused is because I was singing Fall Out Boy's "Saturday" this morning. I really should be humming Maroon 5's "Sunday Morning". Though it's not exactly morning... Gad, my brain is shot. A funny thing about me (one of the many "funny" things) is that anytime I have a major stress out- I get dead sleepy. Driving around town with crazy town drivers and my mediocre beginner driving skills- oy vey iz mir. So now that I'm just sitting at the computer, it's taking every screaming cell in my body to keep myself from falling asleep. Oh, after supper I made myself some coffee and overfilled my mug. So I put it on the counter and bent down to sip it, so I wouldn't spill. I somehow managed to stick my nose in the coffee and I burn it. *sigh* Just shoot me now and put me out of my misery. Somebody switched my self destruction button on anyway. I'm just hoping that after a solid 12 hours of sleep tonight, I can just start life over and get through a day without running into doors, tripping or burning myself. Online classes start tomorrow. Whoop de do. Tuesday'll be good. Cold though... K. it all just goes back to me hating this climate. Evil evil evil evil. It's too friggin cold!!!! Switching topics now. What else to say...? Hrrrmmm.... I hope my hair grows out soon so I can get it all into a ponytail. By the end of the day- my hair is just everywhere. Have to beat it into submission with a tire iron. Brain...short...circuit...mmmm.... coffee...

happy place, happy place, happy place....

2009-01-09T10:47:00.000-08:00

It's been a quasi-traumatic day. I wont delve into the details.
Trying to rid myself of this stress headache. I have my most favorite song of all time playing ("Yellow" by Coldplay), I've had five cups of coffee (really, not such a good thing- I now have the shakes) now I'm going to get a couple asprin. Now time for the "happy place". Admit it- you have one; everyone has one. My happy place involves a warm sandy beach in the tropics, turtle ice cream (my favorite), puppies, and other good stuff.
What I would give for a warm sandy beach right now... gad, there's a lot of snow out here. The instant I graduate with a degree in my major- I'm finding a job in a warm climate. I'm serious. There is no way I'm staying in this God forsaken popsicle of a state any longer than I have to. What state should I move to? I think somewhere like the Carolinas would be really nice, or southern California, or somewhere. I don't know...
Well at least I got my mind off whats irking me. Thinking about states where it never gets below 50 degrees in the dead of winter is nice.

Happy Birthday to you!!!!

2009-01-03T10:15:00.000-08:00

K- so it's not your birthday yet, but it will be in a couple days. So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY Sarah!!!!
This is the blog post from me, to you, in recognition of how great you are. Finally you shall be 17, but I'm still a month older than you, so you'll probably outlive me. :)
Just want to say, you are the best friend I could ever have and the greatest person I know. You helped me up when I was down, and showed me how cool life can be. You showed me how it is to be unafraid of living and you are there so I don't have to walk this world alone. Thank you so much for being you, and know that I'll always be your best friend and sister.

You rock!!!

I'm being good (I promise)

2008-12-20T13:51:00.000-08:00

Well- life is less annoying right now. To a certain extent. And I'm being "good".
Froze my fingers off while I pumped the pickup's tires up with 50lbs of pressure in three of the four tires (the fourth tire didn't lose any air, hallelujah). I'm working on cleaning the house... though progress is slow. And yesterday I shoveled part of the 528 foot long driveway. See? Absolute goodness...
K- here's what I'm up to fer Christmas week. (Good gosh! Christmas is almost here!!! aaaaiiiieeee!!!!!)

Sunday- Continue cleaning the house, make a wreath, random chores
Monday- Christmas shopping
Tuesday- Get ready for Christmas eve
Wednesday- Immediate family Christmas stuff. Food, presents, blah blah blah
Thursday- Go to my Aunt's for Christmas and behave in such a manner as to make them question my sanity. In other words, just be myself.
Friday- After Christmas lull
Saturday- See Friday

I really am boring. Don't know what to do with myself during break. Man, I like going to school. Yeah, I know, I'm psycho. So, I'm going to go sledding like... everyday. And job hunt. And go after-xmas-shopping-with-xmas-money. Dunno... do random stuff... wheedle parents into letting me do more interesting things...

Well- I am ready for next semester. Talked to my adviser,signed up for classes, got books. 17 credits this time. But I think it's going to be a really fun semester. I mean, Greek and Roman Mythology, American Literature, Digital photography and Self defense are going to be uber fun. Cuz I'm a literature/art geek and how can learning how to beat up boys not be fun? And Ethics is something that will drive me nuts, because, reading the ethics book, I can see already that I'm going to be arguing with the teacher. *sigh* I hate arguing. But, chances are, I'm going to get really pissed off and start skreeching in class.
Digital video editing should be interesting... then I can make a new improved version of "The Blair Silkie Project". (Don't ask)

I can't think of anything else to write right now... I'm....so....tired...need...sleep...

Its been awhile...

2008-12-18T17:34:00.000-08:00

righty- we'll all just start singing Staind songs. I need to post more often...
Really I've been listening to Sixx A.M. constantly today- so that stuff is stuck in my head. I like it.
I feel like my brain is short circuiting and all I can type is choppy sentences that make little to no sense. Well, I don't really care.
What shall I share with you today? Lessee... plenty of bad news: my little buck, Llewellyn died- probably of listerosis, brought on by the stress of the sudden cold snap. Same thing happened to his dad- genetic weakness or something?? Of course even worse news. Much worse. A family friend died. I am not going to elaborate- I'm in a sort of denial right now, so I can't think about it really.
And there is the usual stresses- my last final is tomorrow, I really, really need to get CDs burned and I have to finish a drawing for Sarah. And males. I think I hate them. Well, I don't hate them...
But pretty much I've just been stressing and freaking out the past day or two.
I'm not happy right now. Just hoping things end up working out.

I don't know why you'd care...

2008-12-01T08:14:00.001-08:00

But I don't have anything any more interesting to say at the moment so- here's what I'm doing this week! The excitement is oozing from your pores isn't it?
Today (Monday)- survive the day, clean the "house"
Tuesday ( D day)- make it through the first few hours of the morning with out falling apart at the seams, die of boredom in class, work on project with the twins, hang out, go to intervarsity, drive home without hitting deer
Wednesday- open presents, eat ice cream cake, go see the movie,Twilight
Thurdsay (my real bday)- Turn in two of my papers, tour a news station in media class, drive home without hitting moose
Friday- Probably do homework and if I got the Twilight books I want for my bday, read those
Saturday- See Friday
Sunday- See Saturday

So, yeah, Wednesday will be fun.
Now to explain Twilight... I am embarrassed but I will admit it- I read the first book of the series and loved it. And can you guess what its about? Teenage vampires. Teenage vampire romance. Could it get any worse?!?! But I like it! Gimme a break- I'm tired of being an adult... I want to be a silly teenager sometimes... I have all the rest of my life to read "Crime and Punishment". ;)

And incredibly unoriginal thanksgiving post

2008-11-29T13:32:00.000-08:00

Well, I was planning on posting this on Thanksgiving, but I didn't have time. I shall be incredibly sincere and corny so please, don't hold it against me. It's a once a year sort of thing- and I'll hate myself for being all emo tomorrow morning.
What I'm Thankful For:
God- for everything
Shelter- Well... I like being warm
Food- cuz I eat, believe it or not
Family- they must love me because they haven't kicked me out of the house yet
Sarah- For being my best friend, and always being there, and keeping me away from razor blades
Fran and John- For being awesome, and caring about me
All my other friends and extended family- for putting up with me
All my favorite musicians- for keeping me sane, special thanks to MCR
My animals- Because they're my babies
My car- for not breaking down
For life- I don't appreciate it enough
For hope, because thats what I cling to right now.
******************************************************

Now on to more interesting things. I'm sure you don't relish my ridiculous sentimentality. I found this very strange short story the other day, and I thought I'd share a bit of it because is just so odd. Here goes:
"Some of Us Had Been Threatening Our Friend Colby"
By Donald Barthelme
Some of us had been threatening our friend Colby for a long time, because of the way he had been behaving. And now he'd gone too far, so we decided to hang him. Colby argued that just because he had gone too far (he did not deny that he had gone too far) did not mean that he should be subjected to hanging. Going too far, he said, was something everybody did sometimes. We didn't pay much attention to this argument. We asked him what sort of music he would like played at the hanging. He said he'd think about it but it would take him a while to decide. I pointed out that we'd have to know soon, because Howard, who is a conductor, would have to hire and rehearse the musicians and he couldn't begin until he knew what the music was going to be. Colby said he'd always been fond of Ives' Fourth Symphony.

The whole story goes on in this weird fashion, and it's actually kind of disturbing in a light- hearted, macabre way.

happy!

2008-11-18T10:16:00.000-08:00

Ba da da dum!!!
Just a warning- I'm in a listen-to-Nicole Atkins-on-Youtube-binge. Oh man, she's awesome!
Super good thing of the day: I found out that I'm getting an "A" in my media class. I thought I kinda sucked at that class! (does the happy dance)
I have nothing important to say at present, but perhaps I shall return to my blog today and reflect on something you people find interesting. I love saying "you people". It's kind of offensive yet harmless. LOL
Besides- I have to get to my Mass Comm class... starts in 10 minutes. *Sigh* It's my last class of the day and I always want to fall asleep during it. :)

Trying to think rationally

2008-11-14T08:55:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I realize I got a tad carried away in my last post... but what can I say? I'm an idealist. I've been thinking of Ippolit from Dostoevsky's "The Idiot" lately. He thought too much. I'm pretty sure I think too much too. But I really don't know what to do with myself- I am young and may live a while longer and why not do what I can to attempt to do my part to fix up this screwed up world. But whatever... maybe we all are just made to be obsessed with ourselves and live in a mediocre way happily ever after. Now I'm depressed. Well, I suppose I could talk about trivial nonsense that I actually find interesting and you'd probably much rather read that than me complaining about my hypersensitive conscience. Now, trivialities:
I hope I get an A+ in my comp paper... that's my goal
I need to study my media some more this weekend
I need to find my mom's book on how to make a slide show power point thingy
I love My Chemical Romance
I need to finish reading Northanger Abbey
I don't know where on earth my nail polish remover went
I wish I had some new emails to read
I love not having much homework
I wonder how my sister is doing... she got her tonsils out
It's fun to sing in the car...
My throat is raw- no more operas for a while
I need to clean the house
I need to get over this insomnia I've had every night lately
And everything else

Shut up and realize how insignificant you really are

2008-11-13T12:34:00.000-08:00

The world is obsessed with itself. Think about it for two seconds... you are a typical American middle or working class person. You are a consumer. You have to buy, buy, buy products in an attempt to achieve the perfection that advertisers give you examples of. You need to have the newest ipod or sweatshirt or shoes or whatever. A poor country must be exploited to give you those goods that you greedily consume. Is the life of an over worked, starving child who works in a sweatshop worth the whatever you bought today?!? Does anybody really think of the way they impact the world? Especially if you're young- we have to live in the world and take up space for the next... what fifty to sixty more years? And we will continue living and consuming and whining about our comparativley easy lives. Does anyone look beyond the scope of their own lives? When was the last time you thought about where the products you buy come from?Or how your actions affect the lives of others? What is my life worth in the scheme of things? Will I continue to darken a place on this planet and consume while other, perhaps more worthy lives are made miserable or driven to an untimely end because of me? I don't know what to do... I potentially have about 63 or so years left to totally mess up my life. I don't want to be like everyone else. I don't want to be blind to the world and be content and self satisfied by a mediocre consumer lifestyle. I need to make a difference. What can one insignificant person like me do? Right now I don't have a very clear plan. Stick out college first of all... get through training for journalism. And maybe... just MAYBE... I can make a difference through my work. I'm so drawn to photo journalism- What effects people like images? Words don't mean anything anymore. But anyone can understand an image. I will not- can not- be a writer who works for a local paper reporting on life's trivial problems. I will travel the world and expose the wrongs that are commited every day. I cannot justify living without bringing to the light, the injustices of the world. Perhaps it will all be in vain, perhaps I can't make a difference at all. Maybe all will just dismiss me as an overzealous teenager. All I know is... I don't want to be a small voice drowned out in the sea of humanity.

Triumphs and tragedies and gad I'm sleepy

2008-11-04T12:36:00.000-08:00

Well, couldn't go to job orientation because my dad was downtown and it was really foggy and he didn't want me driving in the fog. Called and told the manager and he said he might not hire me now because getting to orientation was part of my job responsibility. I think the wall has dents in it now from where I banged my head.
Part of me wants the job if he calls later in the week and says he'll still hire me and part of me has a very bruised ego and I am so f***ing mad that he would accuse me of being irresponsible! It's not even my fault. I'm not the groveling type- I admit I am proud. If he calls I may take the job or may flip out, tell him off and say I'd never work for him even if he handed me the job on a silver platter. Depending on my mood... but right now I feel like telling him off. I need some time to cool off.
The triumph of this week is getting my hair cut. My dad flips out if we cut our hair short-ish and my older sis would dare cutting her hair very short until she moved out. Well, I just went out and got it cut REALLY short. It's not boy short but its not even to my shoulders. My dad was mad, but I proved myself. I'm independent and won't be opressed like my sisters. Heck- I'm a downright rebel compared to my sisters. I like being bad... kind of exhilirating. :)

Get to go to intervarsity tonight since I don't have orientation... at least one good thing came of that job fiasco. I really don't want to drive around applying for jobs today. I have time but I really really don't want to drive around the mall area at rush hour. Its just too stressfull and I can't handle it today.
If I don't get the media project going soon I'm dead meat. *sigh*
And I need to finish my comp paper draft. I have ideas but it's really rough. I need the draft done by Thursday. *sigh*
I'd like to take a vacation from life right now... go to Tahiti...

banana

2008-10-29T08:14:00.000-07:00

So, right now I have to listen to two hours of talk radio and write a paper on it today, cuz the paper is due tomorrow. It's not a hard paper... just annoying.
Yesterday I got a B on my five page paper, an A on my one page paper, an A in my quiz and all A's in my four(or was it five? I can't remember...) Mass Comm paperlets. That was pretty awesome.
So I volunteered for three hours after school yesterday at the PSEO table at the lsc open house. (doesn't lsc make you want to say lsd? just a thought) It went well... it was really a long day so once it was over I was dying to get home and fall asleep. But I walked around a bit during the open house and talked to one of my teacher about media classes for next semester, talked to a lady about joining choir and talked to some guys about intervarsity. I am definitely going to intervarsity next Tuesday night! It'll be fun. :)
hummm... thats all thats in my brain right now...

Goodstuff

2008-10-27T13:08:00.000-07:00

Yeah!
"There's a song on the radio that says, lets get this party, so lets get this party started!"
-FOB

My geography is OVER and I got a job!
Popped in for my Subway interview today and was hired. yeehaw! Moneymoneymoneymoneymoney!!!
To pay for gas. Ugh

ho hum... nothing else to say really... just chillin...

Homework, email and music

2008-10-21T12:55:00.000-07:00

Three constants in my life lately. I use my brain to do homework, my subconsious to write emails and listen to music while I do it. I'm so brain dead. My head is filled with thoughts of driving, applying for jobs and of course- homework. I've become so boring... well... after this week, I should return to my normal neurotic self. Maybe it's good for me to be boring... at least if I'm busy, I'm not lonely.

happy and sad and confused

2008-10-14T12:27:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm happy because I passed my driving test
I'm sad for... eh, you don't need to know
I'm confused 'cause I'm not sure whether to be happy or sad

I have lots of homework. I need to pick up a job application today... If I got a job- that would be different. ($$$money!$$$)
Sun is finally shining on my school day. Figures.
Dressed like a Bohemian today- don't know why- guess I just felt like dressing up. Fluffy, floaty skirt- so girly. (Hey... I am a girl after all...)
I like my black shirts and dark jeans...
oh man, I hope FOB comes out with their US touring schedule soon!

Famous last words...

2008-10-08T09:16:00.000-07:00

I am in a state of mental complacency - which is- I suppose- better than stressing out. I have my driving test on Friday... the other day I was losing my mind worrying about it- but today its like "Oh, what the hell, I'll give it my best shot, and if I fail- thats my friggin problem."
Yeah- I get nasty sometimes- especially now- when I really hate myself. I really am trying not to- but I really hate myself. I'm never good enough.
But, I'm going to just "keep on living", and try not to beat myself up about every mistake I make. And I make a lot of mistakes. Probably more than any other human being.
k- I'll stop now.

I got a Hemingway book from the school library the other day. It's called over the river and through the woods, or something to that effect.

James Blunt has perhaps the strangest voice ever...but... in a weird sort of way- I like him. Maybe its because of his odd voice.

And I like Greenday... They're awesome. Their album "American Idiot" is one of the best albums I've ever listened to.

I have too much homework... I think I'll just stick with reading my two ridiculously (hey! I spelled that right the first time!) long geography chapters, my comp homework and maybe a little bit more research for my 5 page paper.
I cannot articulate how much I hate my geography. It sucks

Tomorrow I'm going on a field trip type thing for my mass comm class- its to a radio station or something- I need to get a carpool with some peeps- 'cause- duh- I don't have a drivers license yet. *starts beating head against wall*

My blog has just became a spewing of the absurdities in my brain. Well... not all the absurdities...hehehe...

bloops

2008-10-07T12:03:00.001-07:00

So went the my computer starts up, it makes this "ka bloop" type noise. When the song "I write sins not tragedies" by panic at the disco starts, the first sound is a kind of "ka bloop" noise.
That means, whenever the computer starts up and the sound is on, I get that song stuck in my head. From that one noise.

Anyway!...
No mass comm class for me today. That means I can be on this computer for four hours today if I want to. Nothing else to do really...

I feel so silly at school... I'm at least 2 years younger than everyone... I don't have many friends to speak of and I'm SO different from everyone.
Homeschooled, christian, raised in the country, reads classic novels, very few friends... and I tend to lapse into moments of gloom because I feel so out of place. 'Cept there is one nice person, who noticed I was very sad looking in class the other day and he started talking about nice things with me- I know to cheer me up. There are nice people out there I guess. :)

I'm learning how to act anyway. Not to say what I honestly think and to talk of mind numbing topics. But I think one of my problems, is, I don't naturally like talking of nonsense that I've never done and am not interested in.
I mean, how can I have a conversation, or make friends with people who talk about drinking games! And nearly everybody is that way.
Hopefully, I just keep adjusting my social behavior to be acceptable to people, while keeping my own identity. I would like friends, but I wont compromise myself to be liked.

As far a grades are- everythings good.
Oh dang, I need to start my 5 page paper now so I'm not scrambling to get it together at the last minuet.
At least my 2.5 page paper is coming along absolutley beautifully.
An A paper definetly- at least... probably will be an A+ paper. Of course I've just written my first draft- but it's brilliant.
If I may say so.

Well... yeah... thats my life right now.

I've been prompted to post

2008-10-05T18:56:00.000-07:00

At least that means someone reads my blog. I keep forgetting about my own blog and assume other people forget about it too. hum...
Well, lessee... what have I been up to?
I hate geography
I love my mass communication class
I have determined that I want to be a photo journalist
I currently have 5 minor crushes
I'm sick of eating PB&J every school day
I'm broke
I'm glad my mass comm teacher is teaching my media class for the next two or so weeks
I need to have a five page paper written by the 21st
There's an infected splinter in my finger that I can't get out
I've been on a listening to My Chemical Romance binge- I listen to my cd at least 3 times a day
I think I love the combination of pen and pencil in drawing
I love pretzels
I need a hair cut
I found out that I'm a snob
I'm sick of eating chicken or fish for supper
I found a nest of baby mice in the garden
I dug all the potatoes out of one of the gardens
I'm very sleepy...

Poise and Rationality

2008-09-18T13:06:00.000-07:00

I like it.

Anyway- got my paper. After I totally rewrote it for the 7th time and was melting into tears when I so much as thought about it- its in. I submitted it to the online tutor and got feedback this morning- the tutor thought it was good.
yessss!
That helps my poor suffering soul. lol

I have to get my geography done before tomorrow night. Gosh it sucks. Its a lot of tedious work. I'll get it done tomorrow morning. I just can't handle it today. I'm so fried.

Hummmmm..... Re reading Les Miserables for the third time. The first two times, I pretty much skimmed it. This time I'm reading it hard and soaking it all it. It really is a great, very sad book. Poor, dear Jean Valjean. Gotta feel sorry for the guy throughout the whole book.

The next book I'm going to read is "The Road". A bleak, gloom extistential book. So I hear. Doesn't sound like something that will improve my occasionally dark mood, but what the heck- gotta round out my brain. Can't read nothing but classic novels. :)
As for my dark mood- found out my dad's side of the fam has lots of RUSSIAN in it! That is the most awesome thing in the world. I LOVE Russsian novels!
Then if I'm the harbinger of doom some days, I just say its the Russian in me.
Ha ha!
Now I have a reason to visit the "Mother Country". I really want to see the onion dome roof things. Cold, cranky people. And vodka!
Who can stand vodka? It smells like paint thinner. Ugh.
How the heck did I go from my comp paper to vodka in the same blog post? good gosh
Guess thats how my brain works. lol!

I'm sick....

2008-09-16T12:53:00.000-07:00

.... of everything. Everything that irritates me is just building up and I'm starting to lose it. Can't stay cheeful for long- not my thing. I'm starting to give total strangers the evil eye. I hope November third gets here soon.... FOB's new Cd comes out then. ;)
Gad what am I to do to regain my sanity??? Hope I find an answer soon, or I'm goin to spend the rest of eternity in a padded room.

Ouchie ouchie my brain!

2008-09-11T12:39:00.000-07:00

So, in my road test I went down in flames.
In college comp class, I found out my paper didn't save on the computer, so I had to totally retype the WHOLE THING.
Not to mention I'm very unhappy with my paper and I have major writers block.
The strap of my high heels wore a big hole in the back of my ankle.
I cut a big gash in my finger when the rickety bottom shelf in the refidgerator broke and the sharp broken edge sliced me.

But I'm happy.

So there, universe!
Ha!

I'm going to go rustle up some chocolate now.

Life aint so bad....

2008-09-09T12:10:00.000-07:00

In fact, it's been pretty good lately. (gasp! did I actually say that out loud?!)
I mean jeeze.... life doesn't really suck too much when you actually get kind of chummy with peeps, and the weather is nice, and there is a new book to read and oh my gawd.... a new album coming out by my favorite band in November... among other things. There are actually some nice people in the world. Whoda thunk it? Heck- I guess life still does have some surprises in it. Shocka my life. Okay- I will never stop being pithy. To comfortable place to be- sarcasmville, that is. But yeah, I'm pretty happy at the moment. I mean, its not like it take a lot to make me happy... gimme a Milkyway, Fall Out Boy and a good book and I'm set!
I love the high speed computers at school... I can listen to music vids for hours. That contributes to a good mood of mine- for sure. :)

People

2008-08-28T17:28:00.000-07:00

Observing people is interesting.
People from different social groups and cliques is mainly what my school is composed of. Preppies, emos, goths, rocker types, bikers, granolas, yuppies, punks, nerds and geeks migrate from room to room, mostly congregating in the commons. There isn't a profusion of cliques in my school but usually someone has a friend to hang about with. And the friend knows people so, that friend is your link to the social life of the school. I have no friend to keep me company or introduce me to new people. So I have to try make friends by myself. I'm mostly drawn to the emo types and slightly disturbed looking people. I fear the snobbery and stiffness of the more "normal" preppy types. Probably I fear them, because pretty much all my ex- "friends" have turned out to be artificial snobs who scorn me.
Right now, I dress in a way that to young adults, is pretty stylish and independent looking. Black shirts, stylish black hats, slick button down shirts. I think maybe I am behaving too aloof to be considered approachable. Looking out from under my hat brim with a bitter sarcastic look. I need to stop hating humanity. Humanity can't be that bad can it??? Just cause I've been hurt by people who deceive and mock me, doesn't mean everybody is an @$$. Are they?
So my goal is to stop hating mankind. And to try to stop being such a cynic and so bitter.
Not like it will kill me to ease up on my sarcasm.
Though, 'tis ever so comfortable to be sarcastic....

Impending Doom....

2008-08-10T09:15:00.000-07:00

The fair is three days away.
I'm not prepared at all.
I'm DOOMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
These next three days will be a whirlwind of getting-ready-for-fair-insanity. I really could have done over half the things I have to do weeks ago. I've gotten horrid when it comes to procrastination. I used to get everything done way ahead of time... Now I'll be lucky if I get everything done on time. I've just been so busy. I have excuses. LOL
But I got to get moving. I'm so ticked that my show rabbit is sunburnt. Her black fur looks ORANGE on the tips. That's a bad thing.
I hope my showmanship points don't get docked because of that. :(
And I have hardy studied for showmanship and rabbit judging. And my showmanship chicken got eaten my a fox. I'm so frustrated I could cry. At least my showmanship goat is fine. No sunburnt fur and she hasn't gotten eaten by a fox.
The county fair gods haven't been very nice to me this year.
I also have to figure out when I can work in the 4h diner. If I don't work there, I wont get a premium check. This fair is a lot more strict than our other fair. Sucks.
Life sucks at this moment. That I have determined.
So, I must tally ho and get stuff done.

Back from my holiday

2008-08-05T18:11:00.000-07:00

Where on earth shall I begin???
Left on the 31st of July. Drove to Roosevelt park in North Dakota. Noticed a big herd of bison very close to the camp. Pitched the tent and got ready for bed. After I grabbed my toothbrush I started to head for the bathrooms. Lo and behold- the whole herd of buffalo had mosied onto the road between me and the bathrooms. Stupid buffalo.
But things got much more... interesting.
The bison started running through our camp, right past the tent. Took refuge on the side of the car where the buffalo weren't loitering. My parents were freaking out but I was just trying not to laugh. Its a rather funny predicament when you start to think about it. Made it to the tent and all through then night, there was the sound of buffalo crashing through the brush all around the tent and bellowing cows and roaring bulls.
Note to self: Don't camp in buffalo territory when it's their mating season. Not such a good idea.
Headed out very early the next morning and made the drive to Montana. Was a bit worried that the fires would spoil our plans, but everything turned out well. The fires didn't live up to all their hype. Thankfully.
Next day was Yellowstone day. 13 hours of driving about the national forest. Saw thermal pools, geysers (including old faithful), boiling mud, lots of scenery, lots of buffaloes, and all sorts of critters.
The best part IMHO was the Beartooth pass. The pass itself was horrifying- a narrow twisting road up a mountain- but the top of the mountain was amazing.
Its really windy up there too.
Yep.
Next day was a lay around day. Got some hiking in, but all in all we didn't do much.
Headed back day after that. We were planning on stopping before it got too late, but we were making good time so we decided to just keep going for 15 hours of straight driving all the way home. Very sleepy once I got home.
I was so glad to see all the animals fat and happy. Brought the bunnies home today and they're all in once piece too. :)
So, that is my very much condensed story of the trip to Yellowstone.
Tons of pictures here : http://www.flickr.com/photos/27205812@N07/

The Promising Life and Early Death of a Pop Can

2008-07-28T17:46:00.000-07:00

The Promising Life and Early Death of a Pop Can
Young Diet C. Cola had his whole life ahead of him. Fresh from the factory and ready to face the thirsty world of health conscious people. He excelled in areas such as low calories and good taste. He supported the Olympics with a bright tattoo on his shining exterior. The question every one is asking themselves is, " Why would such a promising young soft drink kill himself in the bloom of life?". We may never know. No suicide notes were found in his home. The Frozen Peas were the first to find young Cola's remains. The tearful Peas recalled their horror at discovering the carnage. "It was horrible!" shuddered the sobbing Peas, "Frozen cola was plastered everywhere!". Diet C. Cola committed suicide by frozen bursting. Forensic specialists determine that he felt no pain. The question still remains: why did the bright, handsome Cola kill himself? We may never know.

An ode to the picnic

2008-07-25T10:50:00.000-07:00

There's a picnic at the local park on Sunday. It'll be a gathering of all the yuppies transplanted to the country that live around here. Oh, the horrors of being so painfully ordinary. How on earth can people live with themselves being so self satisfied with never making anything out of their lives except being normal and dull? The typical parents, each has a cushy job, gym memberships, eat macaroni and cheese from a box for dinner. 2.5 kids who are bratty little snots, who are spoiled and demanding and are shuttled around to the constant softball and soccer games and practices, sleep overs and play dates.
All the country yuppies are sure to bring their disgusting potato salad that was bought from the deli department in Super One. Heaven forbid you actually cook something!
I'm sure the conversation will consist remarks on the weather and the price of gas. Absolutely scintillating.
Don't even consider that the brain numbed neighbors will actually talk about something interesting! World issues must not be touched. Keep things nicety nice. Flower gardens, politician's ties and landscaping are all safe subjects, and are sure to be the meat and potatoes of the conversation.
Oh, I'm sure there will be some people who will push the envelope! Global warming, littering and how to be as politically correct as possible may sneak into the conversation. It's all so terribly controversial isn't it?
Goodness, don't even think of mentioning the condition of third world countries and how maybe your charity money might be better getting sent to starving people instead of the polar bears!

But I shall go to the picnic. Maybe I'll listen in on some of the dull conversation with a sarcastic smile. I must avoid pot luck food at all costs, as I usually spend my evening vomiting after eating it. Food always goes bad in the sun. I may derive some enjoyment from swimming in the frog infested pond and lobbing baseballs at small children's heads. Hey, its not my fault they're too short to catch a baseball. :)

Buying hay

2008-07-24T10:25:00.000-07:00

Dodging cats while climbing ladders
Tiny kittens pitter patter
Dust and cobwebs deck the walls
A giant spider from the ceiling falls

Hay of timothy, grass and clover
Tossing bales out and over
Staggering about with two square bales
Goats as fat as beluga whales

Car is stuffed with plenty of hay
Geese scatter as I drive away
Down I drive the gravel road
Hauling off my goat food load

Strawberry Swing

2008-07-21T17:28:00.000-07:00

Went strawberry picking the other day. Driving down the extremely narrow road, I wondered what kind of tiny strawberry picking operation I would come to. The drive way had a little Finnish flag to welcome visitors. A promising start. Walking across the lawn, I was surprised to see a profusion of fat chipmunks and squirrels that seemed unafraid of humans. "Oh no", thought I, " Hope the person who runs this place isn't a scary squirrel lady."
Thankfully, the lady appeared to be pretty normal. I grabbed my plastic ice cream bucket and scooted into my little row of berries. The ripe berries were few and far between at first but as I went farther on, the strawberry population grew. After shuffling, bent over double, through straw covered rows ( that had some sort of goat, sheep or deer poop in it) I picked myself up and tried to pull the straw that was embedded in my knees out. Many of the strawberries didn't survive the walk to the car. Tasty little buggers.
When the berries made it home, it was time to dissect them. The poor little things were decapitated and washed. Then they were sorted into different groups. Jam berries, pie berries and berries for freezing. It took a while to sort 15 quarts of berries. Now I am well stocked in every form of strawberry in existence. Excuse me while I go devour my lovely strawberrry ice box pie.

Doodling today

2008-07-20T16:45:00.000-07:00

I have waaay too many things to draw. I need to get some pictures drawn for a friend, I have to get some done for the fair and I want to do a water color painting of some deer. I did draw a pastel drawing of a horse today. It turned out pretty well. It's an Arabian's profile with a sunset background. But... its like "My Pretty Pony". I mean- its nice and all, and pretty well drawn but (I'm going to be an art snob and say) its not art! Its a "pretty" drawing to get a purple ribbon at the fair. I hate myself for doing it. But to compensate I'll make a fabulous dark, gloomy drawing thats actually "art" and enter it. It'll probably get a third place ribbon but... I need to draw something that makes me happy.
Of course, there really is no definition of art. I just don't feel that my horse drawing is art. LOL!
I'm such a snob. :)

Wanderings

2008-07-18T08:35:00.000-07:00

The other day I went in search of subjects for photography. Below are two of my favorites I took that day. I'm very happy with how the lighting turned out. :)

Capturing the light

2008-07-18T08:18:00.000-07:00

Here are the pictures that I like the most. Too bad I took them in VGA mode.

Farm Craziness

2008-07-17T11:58:00.000-07:00

Things have been way too crazy lately. Half of my goats have colds and Olga and her daughter, Dolly, have pink eye. Happily since I've started giving them the antibiotic, LA200, Olga's pink eye is clearing up beautifully. I've started a round of antibiotics on all the goats with colds. Hopefully everyone's sniffles will be cleared up quickly. I really need to get a separate area set up for the kids so I can wean them! I've tried taping up the momma doe's teats, but thats a dickens to do. Its tedious and the kids get the tape off half the time.

Good news though. I found out I can show my animals in 4H at a county fair I usually don't show at. The fair I signed up for clashed with my other schedules so I couldn't enter that fair. I really didn't think the other fair would let me show in 4H as it is way past the deadline to get the usual registration forms in, but, hey- its 4H. People are usually pretty nice in that organization.
Now I have to get cracking at getting my artsy fartsy stuff made in time. I figure I have to make a drawing of some sort and a painting made of acrylic paint. I already have a water color painting and a digital photo- so thats excellent.

Also, I have a hay source wrangled up so goats have something to eat while I'm not around.
Happy day. :)
NOW I need to call the leader of my 4H club to find out when she can tattoo my doelings and give me some record forms. I also need to call the director of poultry at the fair so I can find out what day the poultry are entered. They need to make the premium books more clear. It gets too confusing sometimes.

I finished reading Dostoevsky's "The Idiot" yesterday. That was a great book. Its about a saint- like , Prince Myshkin, who is an epileptic.
He falls in love with two rather eccentric girls and the whole book , one tries to figure who (if any of them) he marries. Poor Myshkin is practically torn in two between the two girls. In the end, his rival, Rogozihn, (who is in love with one of the girls, Nastasya) kills Nastasya and Myshkin lapses into a state of "Idiocy".
Its such a well written book. One never really knows how the book is going to end. The ending is quite sad, but its more realistic than books that always have happy endings. Now that I think of it, I don't think any of Dostoevsky's novels have a happy ending.

The next story I'm working on is Franz Kafka's "The Metamorphosis". It's actually kind of funny. :)

Introduction

2008-07-14T12:55:00.000-07:00

To start off, I thought I'd state my reasons for writing in this blog. I would like to share my knowledge of farming, animal husbandry,opinions on social issues, and amuse people with my opinions of random subjects. Also, I plan on posting pictures, poetry and other nonsensical things.
I hope to be able to post every day or every other day.
Firstly, I'll start with a few nibbles of information pertaining to myself.
My rustic abode is situated in a swampy wilderness filled with man eating mosquitoes. I am the keeper of a small herd of goats, a few rabbits, more poultry than I care to count, three dogs and a family of pet house finches. My main interests are in animals, classical literature, writing, art, music and other miscellaneous subjects.

I strike out into the world with a milk pail in one hand and "Pride and Prejudice" in the other.

Peace.